Nooooooo. I've gone and done it again and fell off the diet wagon with a resounding crash. I was soooo hungry at work, forgot to take anything with me and paid the price with TWO pieces of cake, a cookie, toast etc. I was really tired, on of my danger areas. The ante-brain rebels and I have no self control.

Been to bed now, had a good sleep and feel better. I used to be like this all the time and hated it, now gotta get off my butt and get back to it.

Off to make salad for work, which I might not get to eat as we are short staffed tonight, unless they get someone in.

We are moving on with our house clearing project. Moving furniture out. Building the shelves and other furniture we got from Ikeas yesterday. Amazing what we have got rid of, and still working on it.:D

Son No 1 has done it again. If he alienates any more of his family he will have none left.
He is 17 and is considered homeless, due to stealing and a breakdown in his relationship with my other half, his uncle (he has lived with us for 11years). His 15 year old girlfriend is pregnant and now he has stolen from his Grandparents, there was no one else who could have done it, so now he is banned from their house. It is not small amounts, not for us. £40.00 a throw is a lot. He swears he is not on drugs and no one is threatening him or co-ercing him to get cash.

So what can we do? It is really upsetting his Grandma who is the most generous soul going. We are going down the road of tough love at the moment. Giving food, doing washing, occasional help with the authorities, though I am stepping back with that now. He can get help at the YMCA where he got a place last week. Since being there I know he has tried pot and is coming into contact with troubled people his age doing drugs and all sorts.

Another added dimension is that he has minor learning difficulties, which makes everything so guilt ridden. He DOES know the difference between right and wrong though.

Although I didn't have high hope for him, I was hoping he would have turned out better

I have just finished a long night shift ( only 3 to go. I started the diet properly yesterday and last night the people I work with produced cake and cookies, big ones with huge chocolate chips. Well I won up now, I had one cookie. Anyone who knows me knows that this is amazingly restrained. I soooooo love cookies with big choc chips in MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

Night shifts are always hard for me because in the middle of the shift I suddenly get hungry, and then at 6 or 6.30. I managed to hold off eating a second or third cookie by eating rice pud and an apple at the different times.

Another difficult time is going home. McDonalds is almost calling me to come and get a sausage and egg McMuffin breakfast. Mouth is now watering, gotta stop slobering.

Home safely now after this food slalom, had a hot choc and am off for some lovely well deserved shuteye.

Another sign that my brain tells me summer is here is when I buy salad and actually eat it. i don't do this for most of the cold months as I can't compute winter and salad in my small brain. So salad it is and not just 'cause I am on a diet.

True to form I had meatballs at Ikea today ( second visit in a week for house clearing project, it's still cheaper than getting an extension). I have stuck to it for the rest of the day though. Glad I wound down off the chocolate and naughty stuff all this last week, going cold turkey,a food allowed the said diet,would have killed me.

Off to eat now, before the Simpsons episode with Ricky Gervais.

Blackwater by kirsten Ekman

An amazon review that makes a good synopsis: In 1974, Annie Raft takes her daughter Mia to small-town Blackwater in northern Sweden, to meet her lover Dan at a commune. When Annie searches for Dan, she instead finds two dead bodies, and spots a man leaving the scene - the same man connected with Mia years later.

I finished this last night after two weeks. I persisted because it is a reading group book and it was chosen by someone in the group who doesn't often get his books read. The reason for this apparent meaness is that he chooses obscure books, usually translations. Unfortunatly this was no different, and unfortunalty it was a terminally boring read.

Blackwater is translated from Swedish, not so well done in places where it doesn't make any sense. The whole tone of the book was quite dry, as if looking at a picture from a great distance, it didn't quite take me there. This may have been to my being unfamiliar with the landscape, or her descriptions of it being poor. I could have done with a map.

There were an awful lot of characters too,(too many for me to keep up with), and some of it was downright weird.
I did like the twist at the end, the murderers were caught but it was all so civilised, no feeling really.

The most palpable character was Birger, the doctor who's wife left him and his grief in the years before he got together with another of the main characters, Annie Raft.

Here is a link to the Amazon page so you can read other's comments.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0099521210/qid=1146210424/sr=8-2/ref=pd_ka_2/026-5332569-8916419

I finally rejoined WW last night having finished in November last year. Don't know what i was nervous about.
It must have done me some good because I lost a stone and half then and have put half a stone back on. I need to lose about three stone now but my target is one stone; I think I can manage that without falling off the wagon too much.

I don't want to do points counting so I am on the points free version, but I still get so many points per day for naughties. I am supposed to eat three meals a day with odd snacks if needed. This is the most difficult area for me, being awake for 19 hours out of every 24 when working really makes it hard. Last time I still lost weight on five meals a day.

There were few recognisable faces in the class. My old leader has left and the new one was not there as her child was poorly. In fact, there were not as many people as usually attended, I think some must have moved on when the last leader left.

Not got very far with the clearing today, again. Felt sick and dizzy this morning, so took a nap. A friend 'popped round' for a few hours and the day is gone again. I did enjoy lunch on the back step in full sun, of course I will pay with sunburn later.

So I am off to Weight Watchers in a few minutes and I must say, I am a little nervous, don't know why.

Just listened to Tony Blair on the radio. Seems to be a regular sort of guy. He talks the talk and his researchers have done a good job on keeping him up to speed with local issues, very clever. All very reasonable.

Things don't feel so reasonable with talk of cuts, redundancies and people suffering because there aren't enough of the right sort of people working in the hospitals.

I am tackling the lounge today. I started last night but didn't make a great impact. Too much stuff. I did appreciate the porch and hall being spacious and clutter free when I came down this morning though.
Yesterday I got interrupted loads, hope that this does not happen today as I am back at work tomorrow night and nothing will get done for days (probably two weeks being honest), I have a packed diary.

I am fortunate to be able to see the garden from my computer, and the bird feeding plate is about fifteen yards away. It is covered at the moment with fat birds filling up for the day. I usually get sparrows and blackbirds, a pair of collared doves and pidgeons. In the garden itself there is a pair of great tits nesting and a wren and robin which occasionally visit. I even like to see the squirrel who comes daily. He/she does eat from the bird table, but not a great deal. None of the birds seem to overdo it as far as I can tell.

I am amazed at how much energy they must use just getting their daily food requirement. If they were human they would need to be on speed to keep going.

There is a wall right by the window I look out of. It is covered with a fushia and ivy. It is a hive of activity at the moment, sparrows nipping in and out with nesting materials. I would love to go and have a look but I don't want to disturb them. maybe next year I should think abut getting a webcam set up so I can watch without being intrusive.

I am starting back at Weight Watchers tomorrow after a break of five months. I haven't put on a massive amount since I stopped but I am going to lose my next stone. I have about three to lose. Even with that I will be classed as overweight, but not too much.
I stopped going last time partly due to boredom with dieting, which I find difficult, and lack of suport. No one to keep an eye on the kids while I have my me time. I have persuaded His Lordship that it would be good for me to start again and he has promised to be home from work in time.
I have listed all the stuff I had eaten in the last few days and most of it was not good. It involved several bars of chocolate, cookies, pizza, pie and other unmentionables. Of course with WW I will not stop eating these items, but just maybe reduce the amount, which is definitly getting out of hand. The only reason I have kept the weight off I think is because last time I broke some seriously bad habits and also am more active than I have ever been since leaving home (a long time ago).

Finally got the hall sorted and have moved into the lounge, accompanied by a glass of Southern Comfort and Coke. This is a real treat as I rarely drink alchohol. I am listing stuff on ebay and freecycle, www.freecycle.org and I get it out so that I don't slip back. I just found some fabric I used to make my bridesmaid's dresses,aaaw.

Another 20 mins and I will call it a day. Plenty more time tomorrow to pursue the perfect house.:p

You think you have a whole afternoon to yourself, you were so wrong, or at least I was. Mother in Law came round for spades to help move some top soil that was about to be delivered. It came later than planned and she was going to be late for an appointment. I took her and FIL to town, only half way there I ran out of petrol. They caught the bus and I walked to the nearest petrol station. Only........bummer, the petrol station had closed down. So I went back and caught a bus to the nearest petrol station, bought yet another can (3 in 15 years isn't so bad), caught the bus back to the car and finally filled it. It is a loan car while mine is in the garage and I can't wait until I am behind the wheel in my Rover again.

I am going to collect it in a moment, but it involves a drive to Nottingham. I got soooo lost ther the other day. I think I know where I am going this time but I have 'phone numbers and and A to Z, think I may take the petrol can just in case.

It has PASSED the MOT, just in case you were wondering.

Inverted commas because despite best efforts at not eating naughty food today I was sabotaged by No 1 son who gave me a wagonwheel, God it was good though. I savoured every mouthful. Generally n track to start Weight Watchers on Thursday. Cutting down and eating more fruit etc. It's handy to know already what it involves, I did the no point counting version last time.
Now to do some more clearing and burn up a bit more energy.

Cleared it, and drove No1 son to housing office in between. Moved out shelves and threw loads in the bin or in the box for the garage sale. His Lordship will be in there tonight doing some wood work which when done, means I can decorate the whole space. It has been waiting to be finished off for about 6years now.:D

I am at that time in life when I crave simplicity and calm. I lead a busy life, racing around for others and of course trying to fit in as much fun time as possible. However, this does not lead to a clean tidy house.

I was off a lot of last week, sorted out No 1 son who was homeless. The week before, visiting family in the New Forest, two weeks before that, working 2 weeks of nights.

As you can see, even the opportunity for house cleaning is limited. Last week His Lordship and I decided it was time to clear out. We began this by selling our caravan on ebay. We got it free, wrecked, did it up for a couple of hundred ( that was the foam bedding) and sold it on. Unfortunatly it was full of stuff I had dumped in there or had collected for car boots which I never have the time for.

Today I am clearing all of the stuff, duly dumped in the porch and hall. Some has already been given away on Freecycle ( http://www.freecycle.org/) and there is more to go.

Going to do a garage sale instead of car boot, it will mean no travelling and I can do it on a Saturday if I want. I am sure someone will want the leftovers on Freecycle for car boots.

I think the worst thing is the clutter. I have approximatly 800 unread books, (about 5 years reading if I buy no more)' in my room, plus 3 shelves of reference and read books down stairs. I have a 6 yr old daughter and all her toys and things, then there is the hubby hobby, fixing computers, and my business stuff, stock is stored all round the house. Add to this messy sons, husband and dog hair. I swear my dog should be bald with the amount of hair she drops.

So you can see why I struggle. That combined with never being tidy, another way of rebelling is suppose.

I have changed some of my ways though. The kitchen gets cleaned every day and the dishwasher and washer loaded and unloaded at least once a day. When I work those are the things that always get done.

So clearing out is my next big project, watch this space for progress.

Today it is the porch, already half done, and then hall way.

A) the sun is shining
as soon the sun shines the neighbours get out their BBq and their pile of stuff they have been meaning to burn for ages and set light to it, making sure I have my cleanest whitest washing on theline.
C) other half makes first trip to the DIY store, to strat the projects we have been talking about all winter.

Why is it that when I want to start a diet I HAVE to immediatly start screwing it up by eating naughty stuff? I am to rejoin Weight Watchers on Thursday. Ever since I decided to do it I have craved all the naughty stuff I should be thinking about avoiding. Today I had a Dime slice at Ikea, yesterday it was cookies.

I don't believe in depriving myself, not even the Not even WW expect you to do that. I sem to have this rebellious side to me that makes me do it. I have always been the same. I could never follow a recipe or pattern, I have always avoided routine and convention. As a result I have some very interesting friends.

There you go, I have answered my own question. I suppose you might ask me why, if I can't follow a recipe, I would join WW? Well, I can manage it for short periods. Last year I lost a stone and a half, (I was nearly 16 stone), when I joined WW. I stopped for a while and put a small bit back on, so now I am going to rejoin and lose the next stone. I can manage that without difficulty.

Dieting is particularly difficult for me because of the night working. I get hungry at odd times, eat when I am tired, get that drop in sugar at times of stress, stress anyway. I used to eat about 8 times a day before the last time I joined WW and used to snack in between. Now I have broken SOME habits, eat less frequently but still could do with doing more.

I suffer from chronic tiredness as I only sleep five hours on a school day, get disturbed if sleeping in the day in hols and weekends, can't sleep when stressed.
If I can get on top of that well things will be a lot better. I have tried giving up the nights but I hav been doing them so long that day shifts made me really unwell, similar to those who do night but noramlly do days.
Will let you know how I get on on Thursday.

Been thinking of giving a blog a go for a while now, and so here it goes. Inspired by the woman who has lived in a car for a year but has a well read blog.

I am as titled; a great lover of life and chocolate. As such I try to capture every moment of fun and joy I can in between the usual drudgery of work, housework, needs of husband, children and friends and my dog.

I am a would be writer, a greedy reader and a would be business woman. I work nights as a nurse at my local hospital and have my fingers in many other pies.

So that's it as a way of vague introduction. Looking forward to spending plenty of time in which I should be polishing and dusting here with you.