Last check in before going off to the West Country Storytelling Festival tomorrow. I am working tonight and wil be too tired to write in the morning.

I am going with N. A good friend and budding writer. Straight after that I am away for a week on a family holiday down in sunny, (hopefully), Devon. Looking forward to sand between my toes and sea up to my knees.

Keep well everyone. i'llbe back a week on Monday.

Have been struggling for weeks with a horrible block. Tried to write something each day but it was such a pointless excercise. Anyway, I was driving the other day and I was thinking about life and a title popped into my head and that was it, I was off. I think I have been working up to this for sometime. When I look back I wrote a few short pieces, and now the pieces are fitting together.

I am not one for planning and plotting, so I don't know wher this is going to take me, but glad to be free again.

Catching up as I haven't written in some days.

Was up at 5.30 this morning to give a lift to son no2 to his first labouring job. He rang all the builders in the local Thompsons directory a few weeks ago and has had one job offer and one interview.

Had a great few nights out. Monday it was a picnic at a friends house with a few other women known as the DCV mums. There are five of us and we all met 20 years ago in a conservation group. We are all married with kids. One of them is my business partner, one is a stat at home mum. One is a teacher and one is a school secretary.

We were viewing holiday photos and the pics my friend took when on her walk for Alkzheimers in Icelan. they were great and not what I expected.

Tuesday I went out with another conservation related group. While the DCV mums are in their 4os, this group is in their 20 to 30s except for me. They include an arts council worker, a libarian and a museums assistant and me. They are not at all dry and as a group love books, run our own reading group. Love food, theatre and getting away for the weekend here and there.

I had another slip off the dieting bandwagon, the second time this week, but loved it, especially the chocolate cheesecake.:D

My friend with mental health probs, whom I met in the conservation group also, has been doing great coming off her tablets. She has completely finished with the prozac, down to 4mg of diazepam a day and doing excercise and cutting naughty bits from her diet as she has piled on a lot of weght in the last few years.

So all is going well apart from another conservation friend. She had a miscarriage on Friday and I am so so sad for her. She has a daughter and she and her husband make such great parents. I haven't seen her for a few months but I knew about her pregnany, baby was due in February.

I have sent warm hugs and wishes and flowers, but what else can you do.

Had a reasonable weekend though didn't sleep so well, always had problems with sleeping at the weekend when on nights.

Today is my usual money and business day. Over the weekend I cleared out my paper work, did a massive pile of shredding. Today I am moving money, and planning for the future, which may be tough.

First I have gone from doing three night to two a week, so that will have an impact in my wage packet.

Secondly, I work for an NHS trust and though they say they do not want redundancies I am assuming that there will be some and I like everyone else may be a target. I am expensive as a senior on nights and there are 3 of us which means they could lose one of us and still cover most of the weeks of the year. I am assuming as I am the one who works the least number of nights now, they will try to get rid of me.

I do not see this as negative thinking. It is encouraging me to plan for the eventuality and think about my alternatives, and there are a few. My friends ARE worried. Most of them have no alternatives and will be in trouble if they are sacked.

Been down to see the family in Portsmouth, now back to work tonight. Love the hols and am happy to work, just wish I could take the 6 weeks off so I didn't need to keep coming back.

Been building up walking speed and distance and walked 30 minutes last night. I did hurt afterwards though, so I will stay at 30 mins for a short while and then build up some more.

Also my tired week this week, same week every month so am having to take it easy as I get exhausted very quickly.

Weigh in tonight. Had a fair week but not fantastic. Tried to plan, even got my sister to cook. But all want to rats at the Mcdondalds on my way home and a Mars Bar yesterdeay. Time of month plays a large part in need for junk cause I don't eat it now.

Let you know how I did later.

Managed 10 minutes fast walking today, but was struggling at the end and very uncomfortable later. I don't suppose it helps having not slept so well after my night shifts. It is really hard to sleep in the day in the summer hols and at weekends.

Will be away for a few days, maybe back Thursday, going to visit family in Portsmouth and the New Forest. Keep well everyone.

In my previous post I said I would go far a short but fast walk of 3mins to build up my walking speed. I am pleased to say that I actually did 5 minutes as when 3 mins was up I wasn't. I was hot and sweaty and breathless, and only in mild pain. I stretched before and after and built up to the main walk rather than jump straight in. I ache a bit now but did a full night's work and am going to increase the walking time today, will let you know how I get on.D

GG has started to struggle with coming off prozac and diazepam at the same time. She has got down to 5 mg of diazepam a day and I think she needs to stop a while as it seem awfully fast for somone so dependant on them. She is being incredibly brave and trying really hard to deal with the edgy feelings she has but she is struggling. Any advice would be great to help her though, and me as her chief support.

Lost another 2Lb this week, thank goodness. This is the first time I have reached over 7lb and kept it off. I have one more pound to go before hitting my first target of 14stone. Hope that will be next week.

One of the things I have struggled with recently is pain. Not just in my back, but in hips and hip tips, groin, knees and shoulders. I have been really working on stretching and regular pain killers to reduce the discomfort and I think it is finally working. I have managed to walk at speed for the last few days for a short period. A few minutes. This is a real breakthrough seeing as I spent all of my hols frustrated by my faster husband and child ahead of me all the while. It is one of the reasons I have struggled to lose even when eating properly.

So today I decided to start at 3 mins when I get up ( just finished night shift), after a warmup stretch and the same again tomorrow. If that is OK will try to increase a minute every few days until doing a good 10 mins, then look at it again. I realise I may have a pain barrier to get over and will be careful not to damage myself more.

I have got so unfit and have slowed down so much. I saw a patient last week who has the same problems with his back as me and he is in a wheelchair, he had put 4 stone on in 2 years and he was already chunky. NO WAY do I want to get like that. I am not critical of him by the way. He is in constant pain and can't move much. Just I have a strong picture in my head about what I don't want to be like NOW.

Had a good start to my dieting week last night, will be doing my best to continue it.:D

So I've promised publicly now. I willtell you later how I got on.

I like the idea of that. http://www.blogthings.com/whatmythologicalcreatureareyouquiz/

I woke this morning to the reports on the radio about the 'foiled terrorist plot' (inverted commas as this seems to be the phrase of choice today). Immediatly I felt on edge and nervous. It took a few minutes of watching the news to calm down. I think maybe that the events of 9/11 and 7/7 have got under my skin and hang around waiting for the next big thing. I have switched off the TV now, otherwise I might end up glued to it all day. Feel sorry for all those stuck in airport terminals esp with little'uns.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4778575.stm

Hope it all settles down VERY soon. Check out the flying advice if you are going in the next few days.

I passed my assessment which took nearly 3 hours of sweating it out

Since getting back from hols last week things have been pretty steady here. GG has been going to MIND every day and eating well, but has put on a bit of weight. She eats lunch there, and has a pastie for an evening snack. I think she started those when she had no energy and has got into a habit. I suggested she has a bowl of cereal instead, she used to do this anyway. She has managed to start gently excercising and go to pilates. I am really pleased for her as these are all steps in the right direction.

She has also started cutting down on prozac and diazepam. She used to take a couple to help her sleep and keep her calm, but over the last year she has regularly taken too many and now is on 10mg a day and she is definitly dopey. Her consultant wants her off the prozac and is going to try something new. I am a bit nervous about this as it may have consequences for me if she plumets again, but I can only support it as another positive step.

Been busy clearing clutter as things had gone to pot before going away. I started at the front door and am working a slow but sure loop round the whole downstairs. That feels good.

I think that holiday did me a power of good and am going away again at the end of the month with friends and family. Even son no 1 is coming after a shock agreement by his lordship.

Finally, lost 1.5lb while away, did try and eat healthily most of the time but still ended up having naughties from all the food groups. Chocolate, doughnuts, chips and fish. Back to normal now and feel ok, I was on holiday and I did ok most of the time. I am working on my evening meals as the area most likely to fall down on now. Total weight loss is about 7lb in 13 weeks due to my cheating ways. Still, I look better and feel better, and now aiming for that first stone.

I have my assessment tomorrow so I can do my job again, fully, and am really nervous. Need to do a bit of revision and can't concentrate.

Been back to work since the hols and have been taken through the ropes with my night boss who is supportive. She says I have nothing to worry about.

I will be glad when this is all over.

Had a great time in France. First week way too hot to work so took it reasonably easy.
Best was the visit to Disneyland, which from a parent's point of view was good value, esp if you took your own food and drink.
Littl'un loved it. I am going back sometime soon for a visit with adults to do the scary or fast rides and attractions that littl'un wouldn't go on.
Best for me and his lordship was the Star Tours ride, like being in a spaceship on Star Wars, going into space and having a space battle.

FAB