That is exactly how I feel. Sooo much better than when I last wrote when I was so stressed I was getting chest pain. Nothing to do with my ticker thank goodness.

Had a great time at Reading Festival. Just me and hubby. We drank up the lovely young things in nearly no clothes all weekend and enjoyed the party atmosphere. Just couldn't stop smiling except when forced to use the toilets, particularly at the campsite.

Couldn't beleive the mess though. It takes 10 days to clear the site afterwards and I now know why. Will try and post pics.

Straight from there to Devon, in a huge farmhouse with in laws, children and friends. Had a lovely week pottering about National Trust properties and the beack. All brown looking now, well almost. The space between my freckles has darkened a little.

Back now to the problems I left. G is still low. She left a message on my answerphone and I am going to ring her in a min. Son No 1 is in Skegness with his girlfriend and her family. He was having a bad time of it at the beinning of the week as everyone had diarrhoea and vomiting and he was looking after his baby all the time. Having difficulty coping with it all. Things got better by yesterday and he seems happier. Hope to get his accomodation issues sorted out with help from my sister.

Well, feeling a bit better today tho' a bit worried about parking at reading as you have to have a pass. Some still available at site but we won't get there until 5ish I think.

Not to worry. Will find a way.

T now moved in to YMCA. He was so brave yesterday until he saw his room. I was so tired I have still not packed with only hours to go until out of the door.

Weather is sunny so going to put some music on and get going. Already shaved legs today so all silky smooth. Watched Stephen Fry last night and think I don't have it so bad. He said a lot of stuff that G has said and BPD does have a bipolar aspect to it.

See you all in a week, well rested or at least revived. Looking forward to the sea side.

Well, I should be looking forward to the weekend but stressed somwhat due to two things.
First, T (son no 1) has been chucked out from his English Churches house for many reasons, but non they are telling him about. He thinks the neighbour ahs accused him of looking at her children. They share a garden and it can't be avoided. Anyway, he is out on his ear with enough time to pack his things, 12 hours.
He has been to the YMCA and booked in there and is moving in later , after college.

Then G is getting on my nerves. I popped in to see her last night on my home from work and she seemed to be improving, I had only been home for an hour and she wanted to come down becasue she felt suicidal and needed to get out. She did come down and despite the fact that I am packing and busy wants to come tonight.
Now I KNOW she hasn't got anyone and the system doesn't work for her when she is ill, but with both things I feel bogged down and can't even think about packing and making sure that the kids are packed too, and hubby. Just moaning really and feeling less able to cope just now. (Monthlies, YOU know). Feeling low and tearful and just want to be left alone.

Going to Reading fest and feel ripped off because I bought the tickets through a dealer. I have never bought tickets for a big fest before and couldn't work out how to do it instead of through this broker. I paid £200.00 over the odds because of this and could have done without wasting such a chunk of cash. I thought I had paid more for better camping facilities but they tell me that I am just like any camper.

Hope it IS all ok, will enjoy when there.

On Sunday will be going to Devon for hols with inlaws and friends form the conservation group. This will be ok mostly I think.

Well oan ovr, should get the packing done then I will feel better.

Been a bit busy this last few days. On Thursday I attended a meeting with G and her psychiatrist and someone form the mental health crisis team. They are now providing her with crisis support for the next few weks, getting less intense over time. She will not be getting a CPN or someone who will help her develop coping strategies, which to be honest should have been done years ago.

Of course I am working in the day now so I had to work late to make up my hours but it was worth it. What a relief that hshe has some help. Her mum is ringing her every day too.

Saturday was spent in a frenzy of cleaning. I showed Littl'un and visiting nephew number 3 how to clean the bathroom properly. S is a freat lad, brother no 3 of 4 , two of whom I have looked after for a long time. We did talk about taking him on as his home life was rubbish as well as his school life. He has learning difficulties on top. Social Services asked but we felt that we couldn't this time. Anyway he visits every few weeks and it helps him tremendously.

We sorted clothes and books, shopped and got the car from the garage as it was in for a service. Didn't feel the least bit guilty for sitting and watching Miss Potter later on.

Today its a walk and picnic around Sudbury, not the prison thanks. Of course it is wet and horrible but I don't care. I will come back virtuous for the excercise and happy to have been with friends.

G was dischrged from hospital last night. It must be said that I was crabby with her when she rang me to pick her up because she couldn't wait an hour for me to have a rest. I was feeling really unwell, tired, nauseated and stomach ache and I should have put my foot down, but she started bawling and I felt bad.

Anyway I went and she was not upset about being discharged, but upset about the psychiatrist not seeing her while she was in and being told she would have to collect her prescription for medicines daily. I asked her what she would do in their position with someone who had taken all their tablets five times in three weeks. No answer.

I am a bit annoyed that she was not seen by any mental health professional whilst in and that she was sent home when so vulnerable to a repeat episode with her stock of tablets she has as leftovers.

They finally got her an appointment for the psychiatrist today. I am taking her as she won't go otherwise.

Feeling better today after a few bouts of the runs. Sallydog also had them so you can guess what I was doing at 7 o'clock this morning.

My sister goes back to Portsmouth today and my M iL is off for a few days to Manchester which leaves me a weekend of peace. Will catch up with everyone's postings later.

Glad to see my friend in a lot better condition last night. Not able to stand yet but not twitching as much and able to hold a cup but hands still look wrong though she denies weakness in them. She recognised me.

Not long after my post last night I had her mum on the phone. G had asked me not to ring her mum and I had said I would if she didn't improve. Anyway her mum rang and asked if I had seen G as she had not answered messages. Well being an honest sort I could not lie so I told her honestly what had happened.

Obviously her mum was upset and crying and all that and so we had a LONG discussion abobout the situaton. G has never really spoke to her mum about things and she lives a long way away. I have a lot of symathy with her. Living 60 miles away from my family when things went wrong was enough.

I have asked the nurses to consider looking at home care when she is medically fit to go home as I do not think I can look after her myself and her stairs are steep and narrow. Her mum will come up to help but just in case... and her mum s 73 though fit, it would take it out of her.

Just spent the last half hour lurking here and getting abit of peace while the house is empty. Going to visit G at six and my sister is out of the house with my daughter and neice.

G was siting out of bed eating this morning when I rang the ward. Thank goodness.

Will update later but I feel the need to do my daily five mins of house work as pennance for enjoying myself.

I am sorry to say that my friend, G , took a rather large overdose on Sunday, three weeks worth of her antidepressants and anything she could get her hands on bar paracetomol. She says she doesn't want to kill herself but I think she may be just trying to reassure me.

I saw her in hospital last night and it upset me big time. She has always been a bit dopey after an oveddose but this time she didn't recognise me, her eyes were rolling around in her head and she could hardly keep her eyes open for a few minutes and she had jerky limb movementsm not even able to hold a cup.

Hope she is better today, they don't know if the effects will wear off, hope so.

Coping reasonably well now with the family being here. The car was in the workshop yesterday as the tyres kept going down so we went for a walk to Elvaston Castle. It is not a castle, just abig house with lots of grounds. Had lunch at the cafe there, fed the ducks and walked back. It was too hot for much else but we still go some exercise. Spent last night watching TV ( Tomb Raider and the end of Austin Powers No 1).

Today we go to the space centre at leceister. I missed it the time the family went about 5 years ago so I am really looking forward to it.
Looks like rain in the night and hopefully cooler outside.

Just catching a few moments after a days work and no-one is in the house. I have had a nice steady week at work and have my sister visiting from Portsmouth. She has bought her daughter who is 15 and they both have a degree of learning difficulty. She is youger than me by about 6 years younger than me but a lot more like a teenager. I have visited her for the last five years so it is good that she has come to me.

So the house is full and to be honest I am finding it to be a strain with so many people around plus G is not doing too well and rang me three times as well as coming round yesterday. She was really upset because her GP has suggested her collect her tablets weekly instead of three weekly. She feels hurt by it because it shows lack of trust of his part. I can see his point and told her so. I would have doe it ages ago. he is only talking about it tho' He is going to see how she goes.

The sun is out waiting for me so I am going to get changed and sit on the patio until the family are back from town with my book.

I'll drop in at the weekend if I can but if I can't , have a great time all.

Had a squirrel nicking the nuts off out bird table and burying them in a nearby plant pot. Thought we might move them to annoy it but think we will see if he/she comes looking in winter.

Took a short day at work as feeling ropey and had thrown up last night for no good reason. There has been thunder here and the air seems less muggy so hope this feeling of oppression I have had will lift too.

G still OK but no extra help forthcoming. Hope this is it now and she continues with her recovery.

Off to get littl'un into the bath now. Her skin has flared up and had numerous rashes. Some due to excezma, not sure about the rest. If they don't clear I will take her to the docs for some super cream. Keep well everyone.

Apart from a big shop today I didn't do much. A bit tired from yesterday I suppose.

C carried on tiling and Son No 2 hampered him as much as possible.
I picked G up from hospital and she came round for a bit and then I dropped her off at home. I cooked tea but did little itty bitty things that amounted up to nothing and now I feel weird and listless.

It must be said that I don't do heat like today has been and I think when it cools down again I will be back to normal.

Off to bed now and hoping for an easy day at work tomorrow as I am on my own.

As advertised yesterday was a busy day. C and son No 2 started toling the kitchen. One whole wall is done and today they are starting on the other side.

I had the task of clearing out the garage. This has not been done for several years now. All the camping stuff was in the hall and my stock had been bought in when we thought the river might over flow.

Well I started on the left and worked my way along, noticing how many mouse droppings we had. Now I knew we had mice but wasn't too bothered. I love little furry creatures and so I hadn't investigated. So along I go moving stuff, brushing shelves, chucking etc. I moved a bag and there underneath it was a partially desicated dead mouse.

So I squeaked. After the initial yelp and refusal to touch it from C or Son No 2 I brushed it into a dustpan and into a bit and carried on working.

So on the shelf below are tools from the conservation group. Rope, spare saw baldes etc. I got to th final item, a box which holds sharpening stones. I lifted the lid and ....................SHRIEK. You bet I did. There were 8 mice in there. The fast ones jumped out and ran before I got the lid back on. I then transported the box out to the grass verge on the other side of the road and let the little perrishers out. They all ran like hell which left e with three more in the garage.

I continued the clearing and caught two more mice in plant pots and released them in the viscinity of the other mice. Hope they had a peaceful night.

Truth is I feel bad about kicking them out but they did smell and were nibbling all sorts of stuff. There are plenty of places to hide and had had all day to find another spot.

Went to visit G later. She is still in hospital as her heart rate hasn't settled down. She may go home today if it does overnight. She has seen the self harm team who will try to get her more help on Monday.

Well I came home from work, tidied a bit , read a bit, visitied G in hospital and had a takeaway. My no 2 son who has now turned 17 has been going with his nan to Asda car park and she has taught him to start the car and get up to first gear. Unfortunately she hasn't shown him how to stop prpoerly so every time he stopped he stalled. Well I may be a bag of nerves but he can now stop the car. We are going to do this regularly until he is able to do it more confidently and then we are going to consider second gear and some hair daye to cover the grey .

The rest of the evening was spent drinking beer, reading and watching trash TV. Clockwork Orange was on later and we watched a bit of that but will be watching the rest later.

The rest of the day will be spent shopping and clearing the garage, preferably with a cold beer later.

Well Friday did not run as smoothly as it should have. I didn't leave work early as I thought I might. There was a little drama of which I was part and so I had to stay.I didn't mind this a all. I have been missing drama in my work life.

While this was happening I had two calls from my friend G. The first time I told her I would ring her back as soon as I was free. The second, half an hour later she rang and told me she had taken a load of tablets again. Nothing like this to make you feel bad. I had to leave what I was doing so I could talk to her in a private. She had been told by her psychiatrist to 'try harder'. Now in the past few weeks she had take FOUR overdoses, the last two serious, and has ended up in hospital. On the days in between she has been out doing voluntary work and even some excercise. She has been trying but she is not in control of her wild thoughts and needed help.

So now she had od'd again and her heart is going super fast again. One day she may just kill herself which isn't her stated aim. She just wants to calm the voices and switch off the feelings for a while. She had no CPN, sees her psychiatrist once every six months and a psychologist once a week. She cannot ring any of these people up at times when she needs to. There is a 'crisis 'phone service she can ring but they took 3 hours to get back to her last time. By then she was in hospital. I am the only person who can she can ring virtually anytime and she has little family. What are they going to do with me when I crack up like I nearly did last year?

There is no help for her as she has Bordeline Personality Disorder. It is not a psychiatric illness apparently and there are no resources for treating it and so G will carry on in this cycle until she dies or it passes. I have met the psychiatrist who says I can ring any time if I feel I need help. Huh, I don't think so.

I will stop moaning now.

Thank goodness it's Fridy at last. This must be the slowest week since I started this job. This may be due to me feeling ropey from the combined effects of a cold and a bite on my leg. It is my first bite this summer thankfully, but they make me ill despite creams and anti histamine.

Happily I am in a job where I can knock off early if there is nothing doing and my colleagues have been very kind to me.

Last night I went out with old nights colleagues. It was a big retirement do where we got to laugh at the old night boss pictured in his younger nursing days. It was great to catch up with my mates who I have not had a chance to talk to for a while tho' I drop notes in and get emails from her and there.

One of my friends off the ward is getting married next year. This is a long time coming as they must have been going out for 8 years. I hear she MADE him go down on one knee which is just about right for her.

Signing off now to go to work, I am the only one in the house who is up as my beloved has a day off and th kids are of course still in bed. Looking forward to a short day and an afternoon nap, which is what I have been doing all week, then a weekend of sorting out the garage.